"It Runs In My Family"—But It Doesn’t Have To

Why Intergenerational Trauma Gets Passed On Without Us Noticing (and Why It's So

Important to Stop It)

We say it all the time:

“Anxiety runs in my family.”

“We’re just not affectionate people.”

“That’s just how I was raised.”

But sometimes what “runs in the family” isn’t just genetics or tradition—it’s unhealed pain.

It's trauma that got passed down because no one knew it was even there.

Here’s the thing:

Intergenerational trauma is sneaky. 

It doesn’t always look like big, obvious events.

Sometimes it shows up in the silence.

The shutdowns.

The emotional distance.

The quick tempers.

The feeling that love has to be earned.

It lives in the patterns we repeat without realizing we're doing it.

Why don't we notice it?

Because to us, it's just normal.

The ways our parents behaved and treated us shaped the way we see ourselves.

And feel about ourselves

And the world.

As children we had not control, no power, no ability to separate from the toxic behaviors we were witnessing and absorbing in our family environment.

But here’s the hope:

Just because something runs in your family doesn't mean it has to keep running through you.

When you start to get curious about your reactions… when you pause instead of repeating the same script… when you learn a new way to show up for yourself and others—you’re breaking the cycle.

It doesn’t take perfection.

It takes awareness.

Intention.

And compassion—for yourself and where you came from.

Stopping the cycle isn’t just about healing the past.

It’s about living a better present—and changing the course of your future, for you and

generations to come.