When You Get Triggered: Is It Your Adult Self Reacting or Your Inner Child Fighting to Survive and Why This Matters
- mapcouplesprogram
- Oct 23
- 7 min read
We’ve all had moments when something seemingly small—a glance, a tone, a delayed reply—feels unexpectedly painful.
Your heart races, your chest tightens, and before you know it, you’re shutting down, lashing out, or spiraling into shame.
You might think, “Why did I react so strongly? What’s wrong with me?”
For survivors of childhood trauma, it may be that your inner child—the part of you that still carries early emotional wounds—is fighting to feel safe in the only ways it once knew how.
“When you’re triggered, your body isn’t overreacting—it’s remembering.”— Dr. Bessel van der Kolk, The Body Keeps the Score (2014)
What It Mean to Be “Triggered”
We all overreact sometimes when we’re tired, stressed, or overwhelmed.
A trigger goes deeper.
It’s when your body and nervous system respond to something in the present as if it were a past threat.
Being triggered doesn’t mean you’re weak or overly emotional—it means something in the present moment has touched an unhealed wound from the past.
A tone of voice that reminds you of criticism.
A partner turning away, echoing early experiences of emotional neglect.
A delayed reply that feels like abandonment.
To the outside world, your reaction may seem “too much.”
But it is not too much; it is a response to an overwhelming well of pain from childhood.
Trauma-Informed Insight
According to trauma research, triggers activate the body’s implicit memory—the nonverbal, sensory record of past experiences stored in the nervous system.
When those old neural networks light up, your body replays what it once felt: danger, rejection, fear.
( Siegel; Schore, 2001)
Journal Reflections : Recognizing Triggers
What kinds of situations or tones tend to activate strong emotions in me?
When I feel triggered, what sensations do I notice in my body?
Can I recall an earlier memory or experience that feels similar?
How do I usually cope—withdraw, explain, please, or fight back?
Why Your Inner Child Is Activated When You’re Triggered
For survivors of childhood trauma, a trigger is rarely just about the moment.
It’s a window into what your younger self once had to survive.
1. Trauma Lives in the Body
Traumatic memories aren’t stored in the same part of the brain as ordinary memories. They’re encoded as sensations, emotions, and impulses—what Peter Levine calls “uncompleted survival responses."
This is why even subtle cues—a sigh, a certain look—can reactivate the body’s alarm system.
“The body remembers what the mind forgets.”— Peter A. Levine, In an Unspoken Voice (2010)
Example:
If as a child you were met with anger when you cried, your body may now flinch at anyone’s frustration—even if it’s not directed at you.
Journal Reflections: Body Awareness
What sensations do I feel when I’m triggered (tight chest, clenched jaw, fluttering stomach)?
What might my body be trying to tell me?
What helps my body know it’s safe right now?
2. The Nervous System Reacts Before Logic Can
The amygdala, the brain’s alarm center, instantly detects danger and activates fight, flight, freeze, or fawn responses.
For trauma survivors, this system can become hypersensitive, due to having been raised in an unsafe, overstimulated and unprotected environment.
In adulthood the amygdala may be easily triggered and respond to a current event as if we are in danger.
Your prefrontal cortex—the part responsible for reasoning—temporarily shuts down. That’s why you can’t “think” your way out of a trigger.
Journal Reflections: Mapping Your Response
Which response (fight, flight, freeze, fawn) do I recognize most often?
How has that response tried to protect me in the past?
What might safety look like for me now?
3. Triggers Reveal Unmet Needs
Every trigger points toward something you needed as a child and didn’t receive—attunement, validation, safety, or care.
When those needs weren’t met, your inner child learned adaptive strategies:
Controlling or perfecting to earn approval
Pleasing to avoid rejection
Withdrawing to stay safe
Hiding emotions to prevent conflict
These strategies made sense then—but as an adult, they can keep you feeling small or disconnected.
“The part of you that feels too much is the part that was never comforted enough.”— Dr. John Bradshaw, Homecoming (1990)
Journal Reflections: Meeting Unmet Needs
What am I longing for when I get triggered—understanding, control, safety, love?
How did my caregivers respond when I showed those needs as a child?
How can my adult self offer what was missing?
What Happens in the Body
When triggered, your amygdala (alarm) lights up, sending stress hormones through your body.
Your prefrontal cortex (logic) goes offline, and your autonomic nervous system shifts into protection mode.
Sympathetic activation (fight/flight): racing heart, shallow breath, restlessness
Dorsal vagal activation) (freeze: shutdown, numbness, exhaustion
Fawn: hyper-focus on others’ needs to maintain safety
Journal Reflections: Regulating Through Awareness
When I’m triggered, which body signals tell me I’m unsafe?
What helps me return to calm—a deep breath, grounding touch, movement?
What gentle message could I offer my body right now?
Healing Through the Relationship Recovery Process (RRP)
As survivors of childhood trauma, it’s not your fault that you sometimes feel overwhelmed or “too much” in response to current events.
Those intense reactions aren’t signs of weakness — they’re the body and mind doing what they once had to do to survive.
As children, we learned to depend on our own coping strategies in the face of trauma, neglect, or emotional abandonment.
The inner child within us — still holding the memories, fears, and strategies of that time — becomes activated when something in the present feels familiar to those early experiences. In that moment, the inner child isn’t reacting to what’s happening now, but to what happened then.
Your reaction makes sense within the world your inner child once lived in.
Healing begins when you can meet that part of yourself with compassion — engaging with your inner child, processing both the current trigger and the past pain it echoes, and offering the safety, understanding, and care that were missing.
This is the essence of reparenting: allowing your adult self to become the safe presence your younger self always needed.
In the RRP approach, healing begins by reuniting the inner child and adult self—so that you no longer abandon the parts of you that hurt.
Each trigger becomes a moment to practice awareness, compassion, and choice.
1. Recognize the Trigger
Notice your body sensations, feelings and thoughts: “My heart is racing. I feel small.”
RRP principle: Awareness is the first step in recovery.
Journal Reflection:
What’s happening right now that feels familiar or threatening? What might my inner child be remembering?
2. Respond to the Inner Child
Instead of silencing the feeling, respond with compassion:
“I see you. You’re scared. Tell me more. I am here for you"
Journal Prompt:
What would my inner child need to hear to feel safe right now?
3. Engage the Inner Adult
Once your Inner Child has recalled the well of pain triggered by the current event, and you’ve soothed your inner child, engage your adult self to guide your next step in response to the current event.
This might mean setting a boundary, taking a pause, or choosing not to react immediately.
The adult self becomes the safe, steady anchor your younger self never had.
Journal Reflection:
What would my most grounded, wise adult self do in this situation?
Healing Triggers Through Inner Child Connection
When we begin to understand and connect with our inner child, everything about how we respond to triggers starts to change.
Many survivors of childhood trauma spend years feeling confusion or shame about what they perceive as over-reacting.
Even when they recognize they are over-reacting, they may try to control their reactions—telling themselves to “calm down,” to “get over it,” or to “see things differently.”
But when we only focus on managing our outward response, we miss the deeper opportunity: to turn toward the part of us that’s still hurting.
Each trigger is a message from your inner child—the younger self who still holds the emotional memories of abandonment, neglect, or fear.
This part of you isn’t trying to sabotage your life; they’re trying to keep you safe using the only strategies they knew back then.
When we berate ourselves for “overreacting,” we’re actually silencing a child within us who’s remembering danger.
“Healing begins when the inner child feels the presence of a safe, compassionate adult within.”— John Bradshaw, Homecoming (1990)
The Shift from Self-Criticism to Self-Compassion
Instead of fighting your reactions, try to listen to them.
When your heart races, your chest tightens, or you feel small and overwhelmed, your nervous system is echoing a time when you truly were powerless.
Dr. Stephen Porges teaches that the body’s survival system doesn’t distinguish between past and present threats—it simply reacts.
When you connect with your inner child, you help your nervous system recognize safety.
Similarly, attachment research by Dan Hughes and Dr. Daniel Siegel, emphasizes that healing requires attunement: responding to emotional distress with curiosity, empathy, and presence.
In this context, reparenting isn’t abstract—it’s a neurobiological act of safety.
When your adult self turns toward your inner child instead of away, you begin the slow, steady process of integration.
The adult learns to lead, while the inner child—once unseen, unheard, and unprotected—finally feels held, validated, and safe.
Connecting with your inner child transforms a trigger from a crisis into an opportunity for healing.
Journal Reflections for Self-Connection
When I feel triggered, what might my inner child be trying to express or protect?
What sensations or emotions arise when I imagine holding space for that younger part of me?
How can I remind myself in those moments that I am safe now?
What words of comfort would my inner child most need to hear from my adult self today?
Why This Practice Works
Trauma lives in the body : By bringing awareness to sensations, you reconnect with stored experiences safely.
The nervous system responds to safety : Compassion and connection help shift you from survival mode into regulation.
Attachment repair happens through attunement : When your adult self responds with care, your brain rewires for trust and calm.
Self-compassion heals shame : Recognizing your inner child allows you to replace self-criticism with empathy.
The body remembers what the mind forgets, and healing begins when both are brought into conversation.— Adapted from The Body Keeps the Score, Bessel van der Kolk, MD
Healing Is Integration
Healing doesn’t mean never being triggered again—it means recognizing when you’re triggered, knowing who inside you is reacting, and meeting that part with compassion.
When your adult self can comfort your inner child, your nervous system learns that it no longer has to fight, flee, or fawn to survive.
“Healing means becoming the safe adult your inner child always needed.”— Dr. John Bradshaw, Homecoming (1990)
Every time you choose compassion over criticism, you’re reparenting your inner child—and teaching your body that there is an adult present to keep you safe.
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