Who Is My Inner Child and Why Is She Calling Me Mom?

Annie's Story:

For as long as I can remember, I struggled with overwhelming feelings of rage so much of the time. And even though it was a frequent experience, it would still take me by surprise. It would feel like my body was taken over, kind of like I was possessed… and I would go into a hyper-aroused state in what felt like a matter of seconds. It could be set off by a variety of people and situations but happened mostly with my partner. I would get so angry at him for just a look or a shrug of the shoulders. It felt impossible to change my reaction, even though I knew it didn’t help and kept us in a pattern of negativity. I often flip-flopped between feeling right, feeling shame, feeling confused and hopeless.

When I was introduced to my inner child, I began to realize that much of my anger was around feeling unseen and unheard by my parents when I was a child. I recalled being labeled a “problem kid” with a huge temper, who was always having meltdowns. I think

I learned how to get the attention I needed, otherwise I felt ignored. As I began to explore the pain with my inner child, I realized how very alive and current the pain still felt.

I began to understand how so many of my reactions to my partner were unexpressed anger towards my parents who had not been there for me. Whenever he did something that suggested he didn’t see or appreciate me or something I had done, I felt that core pain so strongly, I couldn’t stop my rage from exploding.

I slowly began the challenging process of addressing that core pain and helping my inner child with her childhood trauma and the well of pain she goes into every time my partner, or anyone else, suggests I am unimportant or not deserving of attention.

It's a really difficult process, and I am just starting to see how much it has impacted on my reactivity to triggers in everyday life. It’s really hard…but feels like something is starting to shift for me and that I can begin to see that I am not reacting or even seeing what my partner is doing. Instead, I am going inside myself and re-experiencing the trauma from my childhood.

I am hopeful that as I continue to work with my inner child,  I will be able to  address what is actually going on between me and other people in the here and now, especially with my partner, because I don't want my life and relationships to be run by my anger. I want to feel better and want my relationships, especially with those I love, to be better.